Saturday, June 9, 2012
Oaths of a Frustrated Guinea-Viking.
A list of some of William's favourite oaths.
1. By the ginger half-arse of Theo!
2. By my own twice-digested droppings!
3. By the sort of hay you sleep on but don't eat!
4. By the sort of hay you eat but do not sleep on!
5. By the mighty hand that dispenses food into the mighty bowl and by the mighty mouth that eats that mighty food!
6. By the tragedy of not being able to see my own handsome face on a regular basis!
7. By the startling noise that made me jump just there!
8. By the mighty eagle that lives in all our hearts!
9. By the ignoble whiskers of a lesser guinea pig!
10. By my own unparalleled whiskers!
11. By the face the Gods themselves are jealous of that lives atop my neck and calls me host!
12. By the renaissance men, who came before!
13. By the gentle poetry of a clicking water dispenser!
14. By my tickled cheeks!
15. By the cursed clippers that cut reluctant claws!
16. By the gushing of the taps and the filling of the basin!
17. By the midnight other half-arse of that same Theo that boasts the ginger half!
18. By William's beard!
19. By the mighty name of William!
20. By the noted poet that leant his name to William Butler Yeats the Guinea!
21. By the scheming face of Theo!
22. By the four-times-yearly-baths that haunt my nightmares!
23. By the earth, which grows delicious things!
24. By the small green leaves that grow on big green stalks!
25. By wrinkled cabbage leaves upon my tastebuds!
26. By the plastic entrance to my stronghold!
27. By the hallowed halls of Castle von Guinea!
28. By the all-absorbing newspapers I wee on!
29. By the righteous Tusks of William!
30. By my badgerial stripe!
31. By the stately jowls of William!
32. By my small front legs!
33. By my big Back legs!
34. By the mighty T-Rex, who had such legs as mine!
35. By the miserable fate of Theo!
36. By Theo's scabby, often-bitten haunches!
37. By my unmarred haunches!
38. By my glorious destiny!
39. By the soft lure of carpeted flooring!
40. By the much less comfortable tile flooring I now have to endure!
41. By the sow-mother!
42. By the boar-father!
43. By the thrice-caged fury of William!
44. By the miniature pet raven I will someday have!
45. By the comfort that I crave and is denied me!
46, By the warmth of water that I make myself!
47. By Theo's Stench!
48. By my Aroma!
49. By the purple aura of royalty!
50. By the patchy work ethic of a guinea-keeper!
51. By wee small jumpers crafted for my form!
52. By my own surprise!