Guinea Pigs shouldn't rap. Ever.

So now they've started rap battling. I'm too full of feelings to even pass comment. But maybe it's a good thing that they're expressing themselves in new ways? That's what every owner wants for their pets, right? Christ, why do I even bother. So, earlier today- this came to pass:









Theo: My name is Theo and I'm here to say,
           I'm probably going to eat all the hay,
          William, you think you're so cool,
           But I'm the king and you're the fool,
I'm a round MacDaddy with wit and style,
I'm like Clint Eastwood with a big broad smile,
I wear nice outfits everyday,
My name is Theo and this player loves to play.

William: Theo. Stop.

Theo: Don't hate the player, hate the game,
          My name is Theo and I'm built for fame,
          Got pearly teeth and sleek black fur,
          My voice is smooth with a guinea burr,
          My whisker's are sharp and my star sign's Leo,
          And when the ladies see me they're all :"Oh Theo"

William: You don't know what you're doing.

Theo: I'm ever so popular with the ladies,
           You're a toyota, I'm a mercedes,
            I know loads of stuff about cars,
           And I spend my time amongst the stars,
           Amongst the stars I'm a constellation,
           Got so much flava I'm a taste sensation.

William: What do you want from me? I swore I'd never rap again.

Theo: Swore you'd never rap again?
          Sounds to me like you're  chick-en.

William: It's pronounced Chick-in, Theo.

Theo: I don't care how it's pronounced,
          Willi-am, admit you're trounced,
           I'm the one, like Keanu's Neo,
          When people see me, they're all:
           His name is Theo.

William: Ugh. You offend me with your lack of flair,
               Your stupid face and your stupid hair,
                I'm king high badger and this is my sett,
                you haven't lived yet, why enter my den of regret,
                My castle of woe with your rhymes and your beats,
                Am I supposed to consider it some sort of treat,
                Theo, I'm sick of the noise you're inflicting on me,
              And I refuse to be your victim,
              You think you have flavour,
               Theo, Please.
                My name is William- I'm the cure for your disease.
           
Theo: You're William, not Will.I.AM,
          Am I supposed to give a damn?

William: No Damn you'd give would halt my flow,
              My name is William, which you already know,
              I'm full of rhymes and dignity,
              So don't confuse me with a black-eyed pea.

Theo:.....

William: I despise your stupid face,
               predictable rapping and lack of grace,
               You wheep and squeak, but that just makes you weak,
               weak people rap about how great they are,
               their awesome car, flavour is spelled F.L.A.V.O.U.R,
               what a fool you be-  to step to me, to contest with me,
               this isn't even the best of me,
               your name is Theo and you're here to be,
               condemned to ignominy.

Theo: Teach me.

At this point I left to call the vet and search ebay for small backwards baseball caps.